I just realized I haven't written anything this year!!!! I've been keeping up with my personal journal, but not on here! Anyways, lets get started!
Family:
They are doing pretty good, well no...I lie. lol They actually aren't doing so well...
My mom and sister are inactive, and my 16 yr old sister is pregnant and due in May. It's been a bit of a roller coaster for us :( I'm not very good at sharing my feelings. I'm not good at ALL! And I know that's bad... but its just really really difficult to just talk about it. When we first found out that she was pregnant was back in January...I came home from school and I had picked up the mail on the way in. When I got to the kitchen, I saw a letter for my sister that came from a clinic,and i got worried and opened it...and that's how we found out. Not a very good way to find out at all..but I guess there wouldn't be a good way to find out. My mom started crying and started blaming herself...etc. I didn't know what to say. I was literally speechless! And I knew that if I were to have said something, it would be something mean, so I kept my mouth shut. I will just support her and try to be there when she needs me :) So anyway, things were a bit crazy, but right now they are going okay... They still don't go to church, but I continue going! It's a little sad to sit by myself, but as long as I am nourishing my spirit, everything will be fine! So, that's that.
School and Work:
Both are going pretty good. My history class is SUPER boring!!! But I've gotten good grades on the quizzes, so I'm not too worried! The writing assignments are a bit intense :( So I am not looking forward to them.. Work is busy...I'm working 5 days a week now...30 hours. I love the paycheck :) I've been saving my money, and im proud of myself!
Ryan:
He is doing fantastic! We celebrated our 1 year anniversary on February 5th! It's amazing how fast time flies! I still remember his black emo hair lol! Goood times! We're doing great, people ask us about marriage ALL the time! It gets annoying at times and it makes it a bit awkward, because as a girl... I never know what to say when they ask "When?". Little do they know...that we're on the SAME boat! lol i have NO idea when Ry is going to "pop the question"! It's a little frustrating at times and I get in a strange mood every time we go to weddings! I start saying things I don't mean...like "I'm tired of YSA activities..." lol and a bunch of other ridiculous nonsense. Ryan can tell RIGHT away...and he calms me down. But I think I have the right to feel a little frustrated, I'm a GIRL! We dream about our wedding day since we're 5! So, I try to understand why I feel the way I do, and just move on. Patience is a virtue. On some days I realize how young I am and I begin to think that it would be crazy if I got married! But then I look back on my life and think of ALL the events that presented themselves at an early part of my life. I grew up a little too fast. I just...I don't know. My brain is in a knot...literally lol. :) We've had our ups and downs, at some point I didn't feel as appreciated as I thought I should be...and I told him about it and we came up with ways that he can be a little more appreciative. So far, he's doing alright. I just wish things were like they were a year ago...when he couldn't go a day without seeing me, and he would show up at random times and throw stuff at my bedroom window just to give me a gatorade..lol Or even when he brought me some Sunflowers, out of the blue! But I guess that was the first stage...the "honeymoon" stage. We're obviously in a different stage of our relationship, and that's fine. I feel more connected with him. We're more in tune. I know when he's having a bad day, I know when he's mad, sad, frustrated, happy, excited...etc. And it goes both ways, He reads me like a book! At times its a little uncomfy for him to show affection in public..because we had different parents. My parents were very loving...but it didn't last too long, they got a divorce by the time I was 8. His parents don't show too much PDA..but they have such a sweet relationship that is going to last for eternity. So, I want to have a hybrid of the both...I LOVE to show him that I love him! I like to randomly hug him, kiss him, hold his hand, rub his cheek, etc.. But for him it's a little different. He isn't that creative with showing his love, but then again, he's a guy. Guys tend to be like that. But enough about that!
We've done some fun stuff this year! We went to a play, Visited Cafe Rio, Went to a HP dance, Ry had a bday party, Went to Victoria Gardens, went to Phoenix Restaurant, and a lot of other fun stuff! I think for now, I'll enjoy every minute with my Sweetheart! He makes me really really happy! I adore his family! Michelle is really kind and funny! We always pick on Ryan when we're together..lol! Lisa is sooo friendly and helpful! She always helps me with my chocolate dipping :) Mike is quiet, but once you get him to talk...he's funny, intelligent and very sweet! And Holly, I only got to meet her a few times, but she's hilarious and very friendly! :)
Me:
I'm doing okay. There are quite a few things on my mind...The other night I had a break down. It was terrible! My dad was killed in Mexico about 2 and a half years ago. He was shot in the back of his left ear and on his back. When my mom told me that he passed away, she just said he was in an "accident"...a couple of days later I googled his name and I found the newspaper article that explained how he was killed. And ever since then, I've had nightmares, and just horrible thoughts about him :( I didn't get to attend his funeral so I don't feel like I ever got closure.
After finding out that he was shot, I began to have this huge fear of guns. I start to freak out when I see one...and I don't know how to get over that fear! I probably need a psychologist. My bed is right next to my window and the other day I started picturing someone shooting at my window, so I got scared and slept on the floor. I don't think that's normal...I started crying and I felt so lonely! I prayed, called Ryan and we did a prayer together. He helped me calm down and I was finally able to sleep. It's really hard for me to talk/write about all this. I never really talked to anyone about my dad. I just locked myself in my room and cried for days! I think I need a blessing, that will help.
Well, its getting late and I'm really tired, Good night!
-Steph
On October 15th, we went to Knotts SCARY farm! IT was soo much fun! It was Ry's first time! My friends and I have been going for...7 years so its a tradition! :) 
On the 24th, We decided to go to a Pumpkin PAtch! it was so much fun! After we carved a pumpkin named Boogaboo. he was cute! I had fun carving him :)
For Halloween, Ryan and I decided to relax. We went to dinner, drove around the neighborhood, and then went back to his house and just watched a movie outside.
He looks SO cute!!!
![My [Little] Family](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_rno7Tj9rMC8/S7QqsWNPqRI/AAAAAAAAAMA/Cpbzn2Qciko/S150/December+2009+200.JPG)
